Hey there strangers!

My life has... changed. SOOO much. My last post on here was about junior prom! haha... oh wow. That just seems like such a different point of my life. Well for starters, I'm no longer in a relationship. Things were just not right... I didnt really like who I was when I was with topher there towards the end. It felt wrong... When I broke up with him I was indeed sad, but I also felt so FREE. It was crazy! Then there was summer... what an experience. I got a car, license, my first job... and fell SUPER hard for a guy. Just a warning, I'm going to sound suuper cheesy and stupid and cliche to you guys... but it's real feelings. He was my best friend. I fell for him freshmen year, and got betrayed... so my heart didn't trust him there for a while. Then all of sophomore and beginning of junior year, he openly expressed his feelings for me. But there was one issue... I was with Chris.I think back on it now... when I had my choice between dating Him or Topher.. if He didn't go to a different school during that time, I would have picked him. I know i would have. He KNEW me. How i felt... what i wanted... what I needed. He knew. He's everything I look for in a guy. Tall, cute, fit, funny as FUCK, spontaneous, creative.. and i broke his heart. It was a difficult situation for me y'know. I was all wrapped up in Topher and then my best fucking friend decides to confess his love... I mean shit. Tough choice. I always had had feelings for the kid, but I was so scared to leave a guy that was so invested in me, for a guy who had hurt me once before. I was terrified. When I got back together with Topher after Christmas break... He left me. He didn't talk to me for the whole rest of the year... and it absolutely killed me. I tried to ignore it.. but i couldnt. And it also didnt help the He was in two of my classes and i saw Him every friggin day. I loved him. Before my split with topher, he finally reached out to me. Confessing every thought and feeling that I had felt during the time we werent speaking. I wasn't the only one... TBC..

OH! right.. prom!

I completely forgot to tell you guys about prom night! It was sooo amazing(: I felt like such a beautiful princess and Topher was my prince <3 It was everything I was waiting for and more! There was no drama, everyone was happy, and i had  a completely stress free night! I danced all night without a care for who was watching me. I felt GREAT! it's been a while since I've had that much fun... and felt that pretty. It will be a night that i will never forget.Here are some pictures!

Well, that Went Fast!

Omg! My last blog post wasnt that long ago and i was just talking about how excited i was about england and prom, and now its already passed! i cn't believe it! Counterpoints and Descants won showchoir state, and now we're going to concert choir state this friday and saturday! Wow (: Before I know it, I'll be in College! haha. i got a job offer from the JCC for life guarding, so thats really exciting. I'm finally gonna be making some freakin money of my own! My driving test is coming up soon.. I'm a little nervous /: all my friends are really good drivers with their lisences, and i barely drive.. i have no time! Ahhh... I'm sure i"ll be okay though.

England was absolutely amazing. Apart from the fact that I lost all my money on the plane as soon as I got off .. leave it to me right? Yeah, i was bawling my eyeballs out for that whole day... and most of all i missed my mom like crazy! Apart from that, all my friends, and of course Topher, were very supportive of me and helped me deal with my dilemma! I got asked to prom in front of the Tower of London, and it was sooo incredibly sweet(: The sights were absolutely breathtaking! we saw the crown jewels, saww st. gregory's, st. pauls, and the westminster abbey. We also drove 2 hours to see stonehendge!!! It was truly amazing and i am so grateful that i was lucky enough to experience it with my best friend and the love of my life! <3 here are some pictures from England!

I'll post my prom pictures later(;

Happy March!

Hey guys(: It's been too long! Showchoir had really taken a lot of time off of my hands! D: State it next weekend, so this weekend is our free weekend! WOO. too bad I take the SAT on saturday. FML. time to really crack down and study. Oops. Oh well. Life has been pretty good(; Me and Topher are definitely back on track! YAYY. My friendships are good, no drama! Praise the lawd. Haha(:

I am so excited about state this year. I really believe that CP and Descants can win it all this year! We have sooo much talent that its unbelievable. Seriously. Choir lists come out soon. I can't wait to see who I get to control next year >:D hahah jkjk.. not really though :D wanna see a suuuper awesome action photo of me?!

BAM!

Cool right?! The action photo guy made it the front page of his website.. I'm famous :D hahaha not really. But it's pretty kickass. My mom ordered a giant copy of it and it's now framed and in my living room(: YAY! I love choir! Englan is in 26 days... give or take. I am sooooo THRILLED. I can't get over my excitement! ahhhh.

haha it's bedtime! Love you all

*MWAH* xoxoxoxoxo

Oh crap..

I am absolutely DREADING school tomorrow!

There literally is NOTHING to look forward to other than choir... shit ):


I HATE THIS!!!! )):

Save me? Please?
Miserably Yours,

Jessica Kathleen Lempereur /:

meh...

Well.. my weekend was certainly interesting. The good parts were i got to spend time with Alexis Edgerson! She has literally been my best friend since we were born. No joke (; I had a nice and relaxing time at her house and went to her youth group thingie with her this morning. It was fun! (: The other good part is that i had my first showchoir rehearsal today, which kicked off my showchoir season! YAYY!! I am so thrilled.. I'm pretty sure our first competition is in five weeks at Ben Davis... -__- We are gonna kick ass!

On a more serious note, I am extremely emotionally drained after this weekend. I had two of my best friends really hurt me. And it sucks... They are the two people that I expected to be right there next to me and supporting me through this rough time of my life. Instead, they are making it a lot worse. I never would have seen it coming either. I try.. really hard to make people happy. But it never seems like what I do is enough. I know I've done wrong to them in the past, but the blame is equally there. I wish that they could just put the past back where it belongs and actually step up and try and be supportive. I'm not trying to make it "all about me" .. but i really need their help to make me feel better. I feel Abandoned. Literally, i feel like there is no one there for me anymore. I go to bed crying every night now because of how betrayed I am... and the pain just keeps piling on. Thanks a lot guys.. I really appreciate it. Your actions are duly noted )))):

who is the true you?

Not everyone knows the true me. Hell, even I'm not completely sure on that. Who am I? What am I fully capable of? Am I what people say I am? Like most girls my age, I have extreme trust issues. My heart has been broken one too many times. So if I really let you in and tell you everything, you are hella special. I have very low self esteem. It may not come off that way, but it's true. I honestly don't think I have very many good qualities about myself. I always wish I was more.. the pressure on me is incredible. I have gorgeous and skinny girls around me 24/7... there's my sister, my best friends, girls in choir and theatre. As a performer, i feel as though everything about me should be flawless. But sometimes.. well, actually most of the time I don't feel as though I am enough. Ever since elementary school, i have been teased for my looks, weight, and personality. For a while there, I never came out of my box. I was so shy and timid and I gave in to every last command. I just wanted to be "in" and "popular" and "wanted." Well, at least one thing highschool has taught me so far is that you have to be yourself in order to be fully successful. But there's always that one problem... whenever you're yourself, there will be at least one person who doesn't like you. I have been and probably always will be a people pleaser. I hate it when people are dissatisfied with me or work that i have done. But you cannot please everyone, it is virtually impossible. Trust me, I would know. But there is still that want.. that need and drive to be a better person. Not only for yourself, but for other people. I don't feel like I'm enough. I don't feel special. Whenever i get close to feeling that way, life decides to rip it right out of my reach. Well you know what I have to say to that? Fuck you, Life. Fuck you, high standards. I like being myself. I wish it was enough, but even if it's not you have to be selfish from time to time. I deserve happiness. Only God knows I work hard for it! I need to stop getting down on myself for thinking I'm not skinny or pretty enough. I do everything in my power to make myself better. I exercize, i eat right, i wash my face and do my hair... but the most beautiful thing a person can have is sense of self worth and confidence. I am going to work as hard as I can on that... who will be there on the journey with me? Who knows.. But in the end, it's about how I lived my life. and I want to live it without feeling any regret! I don't know who the "true me" is.. I may not find out for a while. But she's there, I can feel her deep in my heart... waiting for the day when I finally release her from her cage <3

What's on MY mind? Well..

Howdy! so, before i start, have you guys notice i use green font a lot? Haha i dunno... maybe because it's my favorite color! Anyways, I'm just sitting on the couch watching ANTM and they just found out that they are going to Europe! And it just got me sooo newly excited to go to England over spring break with my counterpoints! Ahh! i just know I'm going to have soo much fun, especially because it's my first time out of the country! I'm pretty sure Topher is going to ask me to prom there.. isn't that just magical? <3 I'm also thrilled that I will be rooming with my good friend Whitney Lyles(: it will be a great bonding experience. It will be a wonderful experience PERIOD!

I am also sooo ready for showchoir season! My first CP rehearsal is on sunday from 1-6. Woohoo! It's gonna be soo incredibly crazy being in two choirs.. my figure is gonna be AMAAAZING after this! I love being busy, and this is certainly right up my alley! I am still a little worried about how tired i will be and hopefully my grades stay up! I'm gonna have a meeting with my counselor to get a study hall, because it will be wayy to exhausting to do all of that work! I know, I'm the one who signed up for it, but I think I deserve some help! Haha(:

I will talk to y'all later!

MWAH <3