Oh crap..

I am absolutely DREADING school tomorrow!

There literally is NOTHING to look forward to other than choir... shit ):


I HATE THIS!!!! )):

Save me? Please?
Miserably Yours,

Jessica Kathleen Lempereur /:

meh...

Well.. my weekend was certainly interesting. The good parts were i got to spend time with Alexis Edgerson! She has literally been my best friend since we were born. No joke (; I had a nice and relaxing time at her house and went to her youth group thingie with her this morning. It was fun! (: The other good part is that i had my first showchoir rehearsal today, which kicked off my showchoir season! YAYY!! I am so thrilled.. I'm pretty sure our first competition is in five weeks at Ben Davis... -__- We are gonna kick ass!

On a more serious note, I am extremely emotionally drained after this weekend. I had two of my best friends really hurt me. And it sucks... They are the two people that I expected to be right there next to me and supporting me through this rough time of my life. Instead, they are making it a lot worse. I never would have seen it coming either. I try.. really hard to make people happy. But it never seems like what I do is enough. I know I've done wrong to them in the past, but the blame is equally there. I wish that they could just put the past back where it belongs and actually step up and try and be supportive. I'm not trying to make it "all about me" .. but i really need their help to make me feel better. I feel Abandoned. Literally, i feel like there is no one there for me anymore. I go to bed crying every night now because of how betrayed I am... and the pain just keeps piling on. Thanks a lot guys.. I really appreciate it. Your actions are duly noted )))):

who is the true you?

Not everyone knows the true me. Hell, even I'm not completely sure on that. Who am I? What am I fully capable of? Am I what people say I am? Like most girls my age, I have extreme trust issues. My heart has been broken one too many times. So if I really let you in and tell you everything, you are hella special. I have very low self esteem. It may not come off that way, but it's true. I honestly don't think I have very many good qualities about myself. I always wish I was more.. the pressure on me is incredible. I have gorgeous and skinny girls around me 24/7... there's my sister, my best friends, girls in choir and theatre. As a performer, i feel as though everything about me should be flawless. But sometimes.. well, actually most of the time I don't feel as though I am enough. Ever since elementary school, i have been teased for my looks, weight, and personality. For a while there, I never came out of my box. I was so shy and timid and I gave in to every last command. I just wanted to be "in" and "popular" and "wanted." Well, at least one thing highschool has taught me so far is that you have to be yourself in order to be fully successful. But there's always that one problem... whenever you're yourself, there will be at least one person who doesn't like you. I have been and probably always will be a people pleaser. I hate it when people are dissatisfied with me or work that i have done. But you cannot please everyone, it is virtually impossible. Trust me, I would know. But there is still that want.. that need and drive to be a better person. Not only for yourself, but for other people. I don't feel like I'm enough. I don't feel special. Whenever i get close to feeling that way, life decides to rip it right out of my reach. Well you know what I have to say to that? Fuck you, Life. Fuck you, high standards. I like being myself. I wish it was enough, but even if it's not you have to be selfish from time to time. I deserve happiness. Only God knows I work hard for it! I need to stop getting down on myself for thinking I'm not skinny or pretty enough. I do everything in my power to make myself better. I exercize, i eat right, i wash my face and do my hair... but the most beautiful thing a person can have is sense of self worth and confidence. I am going to work as hard as I can on that... who will be there on the journey with me? Who knows.. But in the end, it's about how I lived my life. and I want to live it without feeling any regret! I don't know who the "true me" is.. I may not find out for a while. But she's there, I can feel her deep in my heart... waiting for the day when I finally release her from her cage <3

What's on MY mind? Well..

Howdy! so, before i start, have you guys notice i use green font a lot? Haha i dunno... maybe because it's my favorite color! Anyways, I'm just sitting on the couch watching ANTM and they just found out that they are going to Europe! And it just got me sooo newly excited to go to England over spring break with my counterpoints! Ahh! i just know I'm going to have soo much fun, especially because it's my first time out of the country! I'm pretty sure Topher is going to ask me to prom there.. isn't that just magical? <3 I'm also thrilled that I will be rooming with my good friend Whitney Lyles(: it will be a great bonding experience. It will be a wonderful experience PERIOD!

I am also sooo ready for showchoir season! My first CP rehearsal is on sunday from 1-6. Woohoo! It's gonna be soo incredibly crazy being in two choirs.. my figure is gonna be AMAAAZING after this! I love being busy, and this is certainly right up my alley! I am still a little worried about how tired i will be and hopefully my grades stay up! I'm gonna have a meeting with my counselor to get a study hall, because it will be wayy to exhausting to do all of that work! I know, I'm the one who signed up for it, but I think I deserve some help! Haha(:

I will talk to y'all later!

MWAH <3

Winter Break!

Like I said in one of my previous posts, my winter break was pretty well.... interesting! But I'm not gonna dwell on the bad parts at all! (: Here are some pictures from the first week of break. The second week isnt quite over yet, so I'll upload all those pictures later(;

My baby on skype!

My mama at the IMA. Off Guard!

Love Statue!! <3

I thought this was sooo freakin Cool! (:

Me at the Eli Lilly House!

Khyla's a Re-Re <3

Pre-Fall... That takes skill!

Rug Burn!! D:

Ouch! Crap!

She flipped shit!

She was on the Phone with Tyler.. probably talling him about her Rug Burn!

We're so strange.. <3

Oh my gosh! looking at these just bring a big ol' smile on my face(: Like I said, more will be uploaded, probably on sunday! (: ... and If you didn't notice, all of these were taken with my new camera (; Alrightie! It's about timefor me to FINALLY get out of bed and do something semi-productive! Have a Great day, I'll write later(;

MWAH! <3

Handle with Care (:

This is a perfect night to me
Just you & I snugglin' in front of the TV
Just hanging out with our PJs on
Watching "Law & Order: SVU" all night long
Do you feel it beating?
Do you hear what it's saying to you?
'Cause mine is fleeting
and I think I'm fallin
Oh Oh Oh
This could be L-O-V-E
Oh Oh Oh
This is what I dreamed it would be

You got my heart on a leash
and I just cannot speak
I won't go anywhere
just handle with care
My heart
Please don't break it
No, please don't break it

There's no place I'd rather be
than to be with you underneath these sheets
Oh, to feel like this
No it can't be wrong
No it can't be wrong

There's no place I'd rather be
than to be with you right in front of me
With our lips locked
Our eyes closed shut
and no one else but us  <3

I have Faith that Me and Topher will Be together forever!

Love like this lasts an eternity.. <3

I just have to stay strong!!!

Holy CRAP! Update!!

I cannot believe i haven't written in this thing since what, august?! OMG. That shit cray. I apologize /: i have been crazy busy. I honestly can't believe it's already January 2012! ahh! Okay, let's play catch-up, shall we? Junior year is goiing pretty good so far! My grades were all great, except in Chemistry.. I hate my frickin' teacher! anyways, my friendships are strong, My boyfriends whoolee family loves me(; I'm getting along with my fellow Counterpoints and Descants, and my self confidence has been majorly boosted! Over fall break, I went to Disney World with my Mom, Sister, Ethan and Obed. It was super fun! Unfortunately, I missed Topher's halloween party! Damn/: oh well, there's always next year! I've been working out like a freakin' mad man, and i can definitely see results(: me and Topher recently celebrated our one year together, and that was great(: we each got each other promise rings!  unfortunately, we have been having struggles and we are currently on a break /: but trust, he is trying suuuuper hard to win me back! I can't say i hate it (; Christmas was great! i got a whole bunch of wonderful things! One of things includes a BRAND NEW CAMERA! It's a Canon T2I Rebel(: I love it.. the quality is amazing! you will be seeing soooo many new and beautiful pictures up on here, i promise! This winter break has been a rollercoaster ride! So, i found out a couple weeks ago that i had mono. EW. so i was basically not allowed to do ANYTHING the first week  of break! I hung out with Khyla and Topher, and that was about it -__- I had a huuugeee emotional thing with Topher that im not even gonna BEGIN to go into. Good thing I had my best friends by my side <3  But new years was fun! haha(: 2012 baybee. This week has been better. I've hung out with Alex and just got home from spending the night at Khyla's. So it's been pretty fun filled! (: I'm planning to go and see The Devil Inside this friday night!!! AH! i love scary movies! Well... that's all for now! I will write tomorrow! (:
Bye bye! MWAH!