who is the true you?

Not everyone knows the true me. Hell, even I'm not completely sure on that. Who am I? What am I fully capable of? Am I what people say I am? Like most girls my age, I have extreme trust issues. My heart has been broken one too many times. So if I really let you in and tell you everything, you are hella special. I have very low self esteem. It may not come off that way, but it's true. I honestly don't think I have very many good qualities about myself. I always wish I was more.. the pressure on me is incredible. I have gorgeous and skinny girls around me 24/7... there's my sister, my best friends, girls in choir and theatre. As a performer, i feel as though everything about me should be flawless. But sometimes.. well, actually most of the time I don't feel as though I am enough. Ever since elementary school, i have been teased for my looks, weight, and personality. For a while there, I never came out of my box. I was so shy and timid and I gave in to every last command. I just wanted to be "in" and "popular" and "wanted." Well, at least one thing highschool has taught me so far is that you have to be yourself in order to be fully successful. But there's always that one problem... whenever you're yourself, there will be at least one person who doesn't like you. I have been and probably always will be a people pleaser. I hate it when people are dissatisfied with me or work that i have done. But you cannot please everyone, it is virtually impossible. Trust me, I would know. But there is still that want.. that need and drive to be a better person. Not only for yourself, but for other people. I don't feel like I'm enough. I don't feel special. Whenever i get close to feeling that way, life decides to rip it right out of my reach. Well you know what I have to say to that? Fuck you, Life. Fuck you, high standards. I like being myself. I wish it was enough, but even if it's not you have to be selfish from time to time. I deserve happiness. Only God knows I work hard for it! I need to stop getting down on myself for thinking I'm not skinny or pretty enough. I do everything in my power to make myself better. I exercize, i eat right, i wash my face and do my hair... but the most beautiful thing a person can have is sense of self worth and confidence. I am going to work as hard as I can on that... who will be there on the journey with me? Who knows.. But in the end, it's about how I lived my life. and I want to live it without feeling any regret! I don't know who the "true me" is.. I may not find out for a while. But she's there, I can feel her deep in my heart... waiting for the day when I finally release her from her cage <3